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10 Terrific Toddler Tips
by Michelle Gonzalez
The earliest years of your child's life are full of excitement,
discovery, and learning. Each behavior, and the parents reaction to that
behavior, teach your child something new. Think of your new baby as a
crisp, white canvas; and you are holding a palette covered with all the
colors of the rainbow. How you choose to begin your painting will
determine the finished masterpiece. Each stroke tells a story, becomes a
memory, and encourages or discourages a behavior.
1. Don't wait until your baby becomes a Toddler to begin planning the
direction of your brushstrokes. From birth, your child is watching you
and learning. Every move, every sound becomes part of his experience.
It's never too late to modify behavior. Just remember that it's more
difficult and takes more time to change behavior once it's been learned.
2. Babies need lots of love and attention, but offering attention only
when your child cries is only going to result in more crying. Spend as
much time as possible with your baby during the day giving age
appropriate attention (holding and singing to your baby, playing simple
games, etc.). Reward positive behavior and discourage negative behavior.
If your child wakes from a nap and you hear him stirring, remove him
before he begins to cry. Waiting until the child cries ensures that he
will cry sooner the next time. If he's already begun to cry, wait
outside the door for a moment until there's a "lull", then enter. Your
child will perceive that you entered during a quiet moment. Obviously
there are times when a child is hysterical and you won't wait, and
that's okay. Just use your best judgment.
3. It's interesting to watch how new parents and parents with several
children react to similar situations. Watch kids at a playground,
inevitably someone will get sand in their eye, trip over a bucket, or
scrape a knee. Many first time parents react strongly; twisting their
face into surprise and horror, and running a marathon sprint to scoop
the child from danger. Experienced parents react in a completely
different way. Have you ever noticed that often a child won't cry until
he looks up and sees his mother's face? If you can remain calm, chances
are your child will stay calm also. The benefits are twofold. First, you
will have less hysterics after the inevitable bump and bruise. Second,
you'll know by your child's reaction when he is really hurt.
4. Any parent who has had a whiny child knows that nothing racks the
nerves more than a constant high pitched whine. When my first son was a
toddler, we used to joke that we lived in a fire station. We never knew
when the next "emergency" would hit and the alarm would sound. One day,
I decided to try something new. Instead of pandering to my little fire
alarm by rushing frantically to find out what he wanted, I kneeled right
down, looked him in the eye and said, "Devon, Mommy's ears don't hear
that voice. When you use your nice voice, Mommy will listen." I'd like
to say it worked right away, but it didn't. However, once I turned my
back and he realized I really wasn't paying attention to him, the
whining stopped. After a few weeks, the whining ceased altogether.
5. Time out's are very important. They should not be viewed as
punishment, but rather as a treatment for the symptoms of negative
behavior. A time out is simply removing your child from the stimulus
that is affecting his behavior in a negative way. For a cranky baby at a
party, this can mean moving temporarily to a quieter room. You may find
that for a two year old, moving to another room, simply explaining the
reason and holding him in your arms for a short period of time works
well. If you have an older toddler who is exhibiting negative behavior,
try removing him from the situation, holding him snugly, and explaining
how you want his behavior to change. Most kids don't want to be
"restricted", so I find this works wonders as a temporary behavior
modification.
6. Don't skip nap time. Children really do need their sleep, and any
change in routine is likely to result in unwanted behavior. Try to plan
grocery shopping, visits with friends and trips around your child's
schedule. Recognizing that you and your child will suffer if you
drastically alter his schedule is an important step towards
understanding him and his needs.
7. Shopping with toddlers. I realized early on that kids recognize at a
young age that what is in the shopping basket when you reach the
counter, goes home with you. It's very tempting to buy your child a
small toy, book or candy each time you go to the store. This keeps him
happy, temporarily. It also rewards him for begging, just in the way a
puppy fed scraps from a table learns that the bigger fuss he makes, the
more food he's going to get. Try a new strategy, buy small items on
occasion when you child isn't with you, then surprise him periodically
with a small gift. Once he learns that he still receives the occasional
new toy or book, but doesn't get it directly from the store, your
shopping trips will be much easier. Do allow your child to help you
shop. Ask him to help with simple things, point to the milk, pick the
best batch of bananas, etc.
8. Don't forget to praise positive behavior. Parents are often so
relieved when their toddler is playing quietly, that they don't want to
disturb the peace by intervening. However, this is the perfect time to
sit and play with your child, and tell him how happy you are that he's
playing so nicely with his toys. Remember that to a small child,
attention is attention. Particularly if you are very busy during the
day, or he shares attention with a group of other kids, he needs one on
one attention from you. If he doesn't get it when he plays quietly,
he'll be much more likely to act out in order to get your attention.
Negative attention is still attention in a child's eyes.
9. Keep the rules simple and consistent. As I described earlier, your
child is just waiting for you to color his world. Children can begin to
learn rules such as picking up toys and talking quietly at the table
very early. Try to make rules fun if possible, but be consistent. Insist
that the toys already on the floor are picked up before he takes more
toys out of the box. Model the behavior you want your child to pick up,
such as putting the newspaper in the appropriate place before you choose
a book to read. Verbalize your actions, "Mommy is putting away the
newspaper so she can get her book out, can you put away your truck
before you play with the crayons?"
10. Relax. Enjoy this time, and enjoy the parenting experience. Realize
that everyone has their own ideas of how to parent, and you do need to
find your own way. Remember that humans have been successfully parenting
for many thousands of years without the benefit of child psychologists,
books on parenting and age charts describing when your child should eat
solid foods, sit up, walk and talk. Just as all parents are different,
so are children. They will reach milestones when it's their time.
Treasure your little gifts, for there is no more important or rewarding
job than raising the next generation.
About the author
Michelle Gonzalez is a mother of three, she enjoys writing articles as
well as poems and stories in her spare time.
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