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Protecting Our Children: Keeping
Your Child Safe in Today's Society
By Kristi Grigsby
Child abduction. The words are frightening. The images they convey are
even worse. From a parent's perspective, the thought of someone preying
on your child is one of the most disturbing visualizations this life has
to offer. Yet by taking an active role in educating both yourself and
your children, you can greatly minimize the risks of this visualization
ever becoming a reality.
The good news: Statistically, the chances of a child being kidnapped are
very low. Despite recent media coverage, the FBI reports that the number
of missing persons reported in 2001 was the lowest in nearly ten years,
and the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children ("NCMEC")
estimates that over 98% of child abductions are parent-related. The
NCMEC further estimates that in the U.S. last year, only 200-300 cases
made up the most serious kidnappings (such as those covered in the
media), whereby a child is snatched from his home, school route or
playground by a non-family member. Clearly, the odds are in our favor.
The bad news: Polly Klaas. Danielle van Dam. Elizabeth Smart. Samantha
Runnion. And the countless others who have come before and after them.
These names have rocked our world and have forever changed our way of
thinking. Despite the favorable odds, parents across the country are
pondering the unthinkable: Could my child be next?
Education and preparedness are crucial for our children's well being.
Many schools have begun distributing safety information to students and
coordinating in-class presentations from local law enforcement agencies.
But while our schools have begun taking an active role in sharing this
information with our kids, the most effective education begins at home.
As NCMEC President Ernie Allen explains, "Parents need to understand
that supervision and communication are key to a child's protection."
So, what do our children really need to know, and how can we best teach
them? The information presented below is a compilation of tips from many
resources, each of which can be found in the supplemental table.
Remember that your ultimate goal is to teach, not to frighten. Share
little bits of information at a time, role play and field questions as
they arise. Follow your child's cues: if you sense that your child is
getting scared, stop and consider a different approach next time. Seek
opportunities to reinforce your teachings, but do not force the issue.
Children Need Confidence.
First and foremost, a child needs to know that it's okay to follow his
or her instincts. Those instincts are oftentimes our number one defense,
and this is no different for a child. We spend so much time emphasizing
the importance of manners, yet we also need to let our children know
that when they sense danger, it's okay to throw those manners out the
window and run the other way.
Children also need confidence in your support. If your daughter tells
you she saw someone parked at the bus stop and felt as though she were
being watched, would you listen? It is imperative that your child be
able to talk with you about anyone who makes them feel uncomfortable,
particularly since most child abductions are committed by persons who
are not strangers, including family members.
Every Family Needs A Password.
Sit down with your children and establish a family password. Once
established, the password should be reinforced in the privacy of your
own home, but should not be shared with others. Let your children know
that they are never to go with anyone unless that person knows your
password, thus providing evidence that you have given that person
permission to accompany your children. Here's an example that stresses
the importance of this: You become separated from your young child in a
large department store. Your terrified child panics and begins searching
frantically for you. Suddenly he is approached by a kind stranger who
tells him, "Your mommy is waiting for you outside. She asked me to come
in and get you." Relieved, he accompanies the stranger outside while you
are still searching inside for your little boy... As disturbing as this
scenario is, it presents an ideal opportunity for a predator seeking its
prey. On the other hand, the tables would be turned dramatically if your
distressed child were to ask the stranger, "What's the password?"
A Child Should Never Accept A Ride Without Your Permission.
This means from anyone - friend or foe. Yes, even a family friend should
obtain your permission before picking up your child, and that friend
should let your child know that you have shared the password with them.
This behavior helps to encourage a habit of seeking your approval first,
and helps to ensure you are always aware of your child's whereabouts.
Teach Your Children to Identify Inappropriate Situations.
Let's face it. The boogey man doesn't always look like the boogey man.
So rather than focus on what the perpetrator might look like, teach your
child to focus on the situation or behavior.
a) Adults do not ask children for help. Let your child know that if an
adult is seeking their help - asking for directions or seeking help in
locating a lost puppy, for example - there is something wrong with that
situation and they should leave immediately. Reiterate this point by
asking your child if they've ever seen you stop and ask a child for
directions. Of course they haven't, because you don't ask a child for
help...you ask another adult.
b) Be wary of an approaching stranger. When a stranger approaches, your
child should maintain a safe distance, and a good rule of thumb is ten
feet. Find a unit of measurement that she can relate to, i.e. the width
of her bedroom may be ten feet. Back in high school, my softball coach
used to become furious when one of his team players missed a fly ball,
and I distinctly remember him screaming from the dugout, "if you can
touch the ball, you can catch the ball!" I can still hear his voice
today, only this time he's screaming: "if they can touch you, they can
take you!"
While child abduction is nothing new, the perpetrators are becoming
bolder and more brazen. Our children must become smarter, too. There is
no way to predict every sick ploy that may be attempted. Rather,
children need to 1) learn how to quickly identify potentially dangerous
situations and 2) react by immediately removing themselves from harms'
way.
Bypass Those Personalized Items
The cute hair clips. The bicycle license plates. The embroidered
backpacks. Realize that by providing these items, you are placing your
child at an unfair disadvantage by putting him on a first name basis
with a would-be abductor. Personalized items should remain personal,
i.e. ID bracelets can be flipped so that the personal information lies
against the skin, and names can be written inside backpacks thus
providing easy access for teachers, yet privacy for your child.
Public Restrooms. Just How Public Are They?
I do not envy the father who finds himself in the middle of the shopping
mall when his six-year-old daughter declares, "I have to go to the
bathroom!" When he finishes the initial response of "why didn't you go
before we left home?!" he's caught in that awkward moment: now what?
Undoubtedly, he would be tempted to instruct his daughter to use the
women's bathroom while he waited outside. Mr. Bob Stuber, of the
Texas-based Escape School, warns against this temptation, citing the
case of a ten-year-old boy who was murdered in the stall of a public
men's bathroom as his Aunt stood outside the door waiting for him.
Therefore, Mr. Stuber's advice is this: "it stands to reason that, even
if a child's eyes have to be covered on the way to a locked, closed
stall, that children must be accompanied right to the stall itself.
Things like hand washing can be done elsewhere, for modesty's sake, but
public bathrooms are no place for unaccompanied children."
No Matter What, Do Not Get In That Car!
The really hard part begins now. That is, teaching your children what to
do in the unlikely event that the above tips are not enough. Mr. Bob
Stuber is a nationally respected expert in this field, and for those
persons wishing to learn more, I encourage you to visit his web site at
www.EscapeSchool.com. Once there, you will learn many valuable tips and
tricks that will help your child escape from an attempted abduction. A
videotape is also available for purchase ($17.95), and is a very useful
aid in teaching these techniques to your own children. If internet
access is unavailable, you may telephone Escape School toll free at
1-800-498-1316.
Parents, Know Your Rights
As parents, and as law abiding citizens, we have a right to know when a
registered sexual offender has moved into the area. In the State of
Florida, for example, the Florida Department of Law Enforcement
maintains a statewide database of all registered sexual predators and
offenders. Anyone with access to the internet can access this
information at www.FDLE.State.FL.US. This database can be searched by a
number of criteria, including zip code, and the search results include
information and photos of the offenders. To locate information within
your state, you can begin your search by contacting your local Sheriff's
Office or Crime Prevention Bureau.
A Final Note
While this information is important to share, it does not warrant living
in fear. The world is a beautiful place and it is full of good-hearted
people. The risks of a child being abducted are slim and should not
prevent you and your families from enjoying the world in which we live.
Ironically, by educating yourself and your children on these safety
tips, and by adjusting your lifestyle accordingly, you may discover a
renewed sense of freedom knowing you are much less likely to be
victimized.
Additional Resources
Many organizations have been crusading for years to keep our children
safe. Other organizations, like the Polly Klaas Foundation, were borne
out of tragedy and have since worked to prevent the same fate from
happening to others. The following resources provide useful information
for parents wishing to learn more.
Escape School
FBI for the Family, Crimes Against Kids
Florida Department of Law Enforcement
John Walsh: Keeping Children Safe Series
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
The Polly Klaas Foundation
Additional Articles of Interest:
CNN.com, July 17, 2002; Safety Expert Offers Tips to Avoid Abduction
Personal Protection; When Your Child is Out Without You
Time.com, July 18, 2002; How to Keep Your Child Safe
About the Author
Kristi Grigsby: As a wife, mother of two young children and the owner of
an internet business (SendAChildASmile.com), life can oftentimes be a
whirlwind! But I strive to find time for my one true hobby: writing.
Naturally, most of my writing covers parenting/children issues - a
subject very near and dear to my heart. As parents, the joyous moments
are endless. But, there are also plenty of those times that....shall we
say just aren't so joyous...and it helps to know others are going
through them too! My writings focus on issues such as these: treasured
times with our children, difficult stages, as well as parenting
resources. I will continue adding articles and hope you will enjoy them
all. Originally from the Midwest, I now reside in paradise with my
wonderful family. I hold B.S. and M.B.A. degrees in the area of
Business.http://www.sendachildasmile.com
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