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Protecting Our Children: Keeping
Your Home a Safe Haven
by Kristi Grigsby
To help families answer that question with greater confidence, I had the
privilege of speaking with two highly regarded professionals who
contributed invaluable information to this article. Nobody knows the
issues facing the children in our communities better than Sgt. Dennis
Perry of the Collier County Youth Relations Bureau in Southwest Florida.
His advice on internet safety, as well as his tips for kids who are home
alone, should be considered very carefully by all parents.
Additionally, we are fortunate to have contributions from Mr. Chris
McGoey (the Crime Doctor), in the "Home Security" section of this
article. Mr. McGoey is an internationally known author, publisher,
speaker and professional security consultant and has provided expert
security advice to various radio and television shows, such as Good
Morning America, 60 Minutes, and 20/20.
Home Alone
So when is your child old enough to stay home alone? Be sure to check
with and abide by the laws governing your home state. Surprisingly,
there are many states without any laws governing the decision to leave a
child home alone. Some experts suggest the age of twelve while others
suggest ten. But all who venture to make a suggestion agree on this: the
decision to leave a child at home alone weighs heavily upon the child's
maturity - as well as the job you've done in preparing your child to
take on this responsibility.
Whether your child is a "latchkey kid" or not, most children are home
alone at one time or another. Consider the preschooler who is happily
watching a video while mom grabs a quick shower. In essence, he is "home
alone" during that brief period of time. Would that preschooler know
what to do if someone were to knock on the door, or if the telephone
were to ring? Every child needs to be taught the basic home safety tips
below, although the level at which you teach your child will vary
according to his age and responsibilities.
Ring, Ring!
Telephone use has become almost a monumental milestone for youngsters.
Alas...they're old enough to properly answer the telephone. But is it
really necessary? No! True, children need to learn how to use a
telephone, particularly in emergency situations. But if you are not at
home, or are simply unable to answer the telephone, do not rely on your
child to answer the phone. Instead, rely on your answering machine.
"Every home should have an answering machine," suggests Sgt. Perry. "An
inexpensive machine can be purchased for $15-$20, and it should be used
to screen all calls. Your child should not pick up the telephone unless
they recognize your voice (or that of another trusted person that you
have permitted them to speak with)."
Why the tough stance here? Because as Sgt. Perry explains, "anyone who
is skilled at manipulating children will not have a problem prying
information from your child." And I must confess that even I - as a
grown adult - have been duped on the phone. A friendly man who presented
himself as a long lost buddy won my trust from the second I said,
"hello." Yet in an instant, that friendly voice turned ice cold as he
blurted out obscenities and threatened the life of a loved one. Even if
you are standing right next to your child, realize that it only takes a
few seconds for your child to hear things you never want them to hear.
Besides, a stranger has no business knowing that a child is on the other
end of that phone.
Somebody's Knockin' - Should I Let Him In?
Growing up, I was (what is now referred to as) a latchkey kid. The Avon
lady used to make her rounds throughout the neighborhood, going door to
door looking for business. Although her intentions were pure, I knew
there was no reason for me to answer that door - my mom wasn't home and
I certainly wasn't going to buy anything (and besides, Mom told me not
to answer it!). My sisters and I used to think it was so much fun to run
and hide whenever she knocked on our door. We'd watch her from an
inconspicuous window, count how many times she knocked, and giggle until
she finally gave up and left. For us, it was a game. But for children
today, that same game could be a lifesaver.
When children are home alone, forget about telling them not to open the
door for a stranger. Teach them not to open the door for anyone! Falling
victim to trickery and games is just too easy for a child, no matter how
astute or mature they may be. Those with sinister intentions will find a
way to get that child to open the door, if given the opportunity. And
once your child answers the door - even with a simple "who is it?" -
they've provided that opportunity. Like the ringing telephone, just
because someone is knocking at the door doesn’t mean your child has to
answer it. Ignore it, and they'll go away. And if they don't, your child
should dial 911.
Home Security
As I follow the media coverage that tells me children are literally
being snatched from their bedrooms at night, I find myself wondering:
how can I kiss my children goodnight, and be assured that they will be
there in the morning? Although the intellectual side of me reasons that
this type of crime rarely occurs, the emotional side of me wonders about
Elizabeth Smart. How is it possible that she was taken from her bedroom
in the middle of the night? Professional security consultant Chris
McGoey addresses these concerns and offers the following advice to help
keep your home a safe haven.
1) Don't Provide the Opportunity
According to Mr. McGoey, entrance into a home is almost always gained
through a front door or sliding glass window/door. "The majority of
criminals don't break windows - it makes too much noise. They usually
gain access by prying open a window or door...which means it was open to
begin with." What this boils down to is opportunity. And burglars are
opportunists. "Ordinarily, burglaries don't happen by accident. It's a
choice. It's an opportunity." Mr. McGoey explains that in cases where a
house was burglarized, it was probably targeted long before the crime
occurred. The criminal watched and waited. And when the opportunity was
there, he seized the moment. When you're late for work and run out of
the house without locking it; when you are just too tired to check all
the windows before bed; when you turn off the alarm to avoid the
noise...it is precisely these moments that the criminals are waiting
for.
2) Understand That You Have Control!
This profound statement was taken directly from CrimeDoctor.com : "Your
home is the only environment where you have control over who can get
close to you or your family." Take control! Protecting your family can
be as simple as using wooden dowels to block windows from fully opening,
placing highly visible security decals in all windows, or using "charley
bars" to prevent sliding glass doors from fully opening. If you opt for
a high tech security system, be aware that alarm systems are only
effective when they're set. Yet Mr. McGoey estimates that 80% of alarm
systems aren't even turned on. These are only a few suggestions recapped
from CrimeDoctor.com . Readers are highly encouraged to visit the site
for more in-depth information on protecting their families.
3) Where Do I Begin?
While there are many different methods to achieving greater security,
the first step is always the same: become better aware. "Parents are
oftentimes walking around in a daze. They're tired. This results in a
recurring theme that we see over and over...criminals have an easy time
because we're just not paying attention." Mr. McGoey encourages us to
make security a part of our daily routine. Before going to bed, for
example, make it a habit to check all doors and windows. Additionally,
while we all know it's important to teach kids about stranger danger,
"we don't teach our kids about home security," Mr. McGoey reminds us.
"We can also make this part of their bedtime routine: brush your teeth,
say your prayers, check your windows. Incorporating these security
checks into their daily routines will help ensure they carry these
habits with them throughout their lives."
Safety on the Information Highway
The internet is a remarkably powerful tool which has literally placed
the world at our fingertips. This technology brings a phenomenal amount
of education directly into the comforts of our own homes. But as
parents, we must also realize the enormous risk this places on our
children and our families. Not only has education been brought into our
homes, but if not used properly, individuals you would never allow your
child to form a relationship with are also trying to make their way into
your home - waiting to become your child's new best friend. While
legislature is working to lessen this risk by instituting higher
penalties for those who abuse the internet to prey on children, the only
way you can ensure the safety of your child is to teach them properly at
home.
1) Define Acceptable Use
A good place to start is the Internet Content Rating Association (www.ICRA.org).
This site provides parents with a "Child Protection Guide for the
Internet," and also provides a good "Family Online Internet Safety
Contract" which defines what is - and what is not - acceptable use.
Both you and your child should think of the internet as a stranger.
Pop-up screens are everywhere, even on legitimate sites, soliciting
personal information such as email addresses, names and addresses. They
prompt children with enticements such as, "Would you like to send a
postcard to Barbie? Just fill out this form and click to send!" There is
no good reason why a child should ever provide this information. We've
taught them not to provide personal information to a physical stranger -
nor should they ever provide this information to a stranger on the other
end of that computer.
2) Avoid Engaging in Conversation With Strangers
Your entire family needs to know that the internet provides a sort of
"playground" for predators. These same predators are largely responsible
for creating sites which encourage conversation among guests as a way to
build trust, support and relationships. Children should never engage in
conversation, and they should not be allowed to enter chat rooms and
other such forums. Their new (online) best friend, twelve-year-old Katie
from Ohio, may very well be a thirty-year-old child predator who lives
down the street.
3) Safety on the Internet Requires Parental Involvement!
What about filtering software? This software can be effective in
blocking access to pornographic sites. However, it is very ineffective
in blocking access to sites carefully created to lure children into the
world of a pedophile. And these are the most dangerous of all. Sgt.
Perry recalls a Santa Claus site that received nearly one million
visits. The graphics were child-friendly, the site was fun to navigate,
and any parent who peeked in momentarily to evaluate the site would've
thought it was quite appropriate for their child. However, the site
consisted of several hundred carefully-thought-out pages that took the
child on a tour of Santa's house. This tour eventually led to Santa's
bedroom, and...well, you get the point. Fortunately, this site - and
many other similarly deceitful sites - have been successfully shut down
by law enforcement. However, be aware that there are new ones popping up
every day. "The only truly effective filtration," emphasizes Sgt. Perry,
"is that of parental supervision and involvement." Furthermore, "if a
parent is unfamiliar with the terms history and cache, then their child
should not be allowed on the internet." For those parents who are
unfamiliar with these terms...seek training. These are the only tools
you have to keep abreast of your child's internet activity.
One final warning from Sgt. Perry: "Internet-connected computers do not
belong in a child's bedroom." You would never knowingly invite a
pedophile into your child's bedroom. Yet by providing unsupervised
internet access during all hours of the night, you may be doing exactly
that. Keep computers in common areas where you can supervise. Remember
that while you may be striving to protect your child, computer-savvy
pedophiles are utilizing the internet striving to reach them. But it's a
challenge with no secret winning strategy: with proper parental
supervision and enforcement of the home rules, you will always win.
(Note: this is the second of the two part series, "Protecting
Our Children: Keeping Your Child Safe in Today's Society")
About the author
Kristi Grigsby is the co-founder of the
Send A Child A
Smile program, which sends "smiles" to children struggling to cope
with traumatic events. Ms. Grigsby holds B.S. and M.B.A. degrees, and is
a contributing writer for a regional family magazine.
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